Commentary: Child abuse - the Caribbean needs to address the issue
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| Published on Saturday, April 5, 2008 |
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By Mutryce A. Williams
When asked why I am so sympathetic to the plight of children and not hasty in dismissing, what is oftentimes referred to as their ‘rude’ behaviour, I respond, ‘because behind the behaviour of ‘most’ rude children there is some underlying factor.’ When we look at society and see the way in which our young men and young women are behaving instead of chastising them I think that we really do have to ask questions. Most of our wayward youth are crying out.
In the past when I have written on the issue of child abuse, I have gotten responses such as it was just psycho-babble when in fact I speak from experience. I often wonder, had it not been for the angels that crossed my path throughout my life, those angels who gave me little shots of self-confidence, who told me that I was somebody, where or who would I be today?
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| Mutryce A. Williams is a citizen of St Kitts and Nevis and an author of social commentaries. She holds a Masters in Politics and BBA in Management. |
People look at my life or the achievements and they assume that one was born with a silver spoon in her mouth or that she had a huge band of cheerleaders in the background waving her on. I did and you have heard of them. They are responsible for the person I have become today. I thank them tremendously.
In some people’s life however there is the flip side to the coin. When I begin to tell the other story I get utter disbelief for people assume that there had to be some grand fairy tale and definitely no struggles. In the past months I have taken the time to evolve and be honest with myself.
The adult that I am today is not afraid to confront the demons of yesteryear and speak the truth even though there are those who would rather I keep my mouth shut, even though there are those who have made excuses, even though there are those who have said that I should be grateful for the financial sacrifices made for ‘me’…as if this is supposed to be a tradeoff…even though there are those who would rather me pretend that it never happened because after all, look how ‘well’ I’ve turned out and because it is best to let sleeping dogs lie. ‘Why air one’s dirty laundry?’ they say.
In my opinion this is the problem with our society…we would rather not air our dirty laundry…we would rather not tell our stories or our truths. I have written on the issue of abuse time and time again. When asked, why I know so much on the topic…I would say that some of these things were ripped from the diaries of the children I have counseled and yes I have indeed counseled many over the years but what I omitted was that some of these experiences were taken from my own diaries.
My heart reaches out to some of these young people because I know what it feels like to be unwanted. I know what it feels like to receive not only the physical blows or threats to one’s life but to hear day in and day out how worthless I was and to have the bad words pelted into my skin. I can tell you that each time that this took place it cut away at my worth. Each time it happened it made me feel worthless and it damaged my self-esteem.
I know what it feels like to wake up and be vexed with God for actually letting me see another day because I wished I was dead. I know what it feels like to be told that I was stupid and that I was a mistake and that I would never amount to anything. I know what it feels like to be told that I was ugly and not as pretty as my siblings. I know what it feels like to go to bed crying because I wondered if it was possible for life to get any worst.
I know what it feels like to be dictated to and told that if I was a good child, a child of any worth, then my father would show some interest and look after me. I know what it feels like to see the disapproving and scornful stares. I know what it feels like to hear; ‘you are only a child what worries you have.’ I know what it feels like to be compared to every Tom, Dick and Harry’s child or to be complained on and lied about; about how lazy I am, and that I have no ambition, when in fact my opinions, dreams or desires never ever mattered.
I know what it feels like to have one’s successes trampled upon and diminished as miniscule and as things that any jackass could have done, because after all, I was nobody special. I know what it feels like to just exist. I know what it feels like to hear that I was nothing but stress and trouble and that I was so rude and one does not understand why I was ‘rude so.’ I know what it feels like to receive a compliment only to have it shot down by the one who says…’don’t lie to her, to fill her head with nonsense, she is nothing, I beg you please.’
I know what it feels like to feel pain…to have to get down on my knees and pray to God that I make it throughout the day…I know what it feels like to save a life…and to keep on saving and protecting that life…I know what it feels like to be bitter…I know what it feels like to hate because even though you read the Scriptures about honouring this and that you wonder, ‘well God, what about those other Scriptures.’ I know what it feels like to be the outcast…I know what it feels like to mask and pretend…I know what it feels like to be suicidal…I know what it feels like to hate myself…I know what it feels like to not know who I am…I know what it feels like to spend years and years and discovering who I am…
I know what it feels like to be damaged…I know what it feels like to have flashbacks…I know what it feels like to be abused…I know what it feels like to be trapped and told that I am a possession…I know what it feels like to be a pawn caught up in a grown up web of deceit and lies…so I do know…I have lived it all and I can say that believe me…it has been no walk in the park…it has not been an easy road paved with gold…it has not been a fairy tale…most importantly I know what it feels like to confront those demons, to let go and I know what it feels like to forgive.
At times I wished I wasn’t born into the circumstances that I was born…only that I knew that to my life there had to be a greater purpose…so when I sit and I write or I talk or counsel young kids, when I appeal to parents/guardians on behalf of kids…this is no textbook story…this is my story because I have lived it… I contend that there is no injustice greater than the injustice done to an innocent child…to this day I contend that the issue of child abuse…is something that one can never harp enough on…can never be beaten like a dead horse…because and I say because the damage that it does to a child…a growing being…at times is irreparable…you deal…you cope…you forgive but there is no way in hell that you can forget…I am telling you this…when I am asked by the kids that I counsel…how is it that I managed to become who I am…and I ask this question jokingly…well who is that?
All I can say to that is for some reason you have to find faith…you have to believe in a power greater than yourself. You have to believe that there is a God and that he loves you and that somewhere in all of this unfair and sordid mess…he has a greater plan for your life and that you owe it not only to him but you owe it to the future you…at this point that is easy to say…I must admit that along the way…I have had angels and safe havens here and there who encouraged me and gave me the boosts of confidence that I needed.
In this life, I say nothing is impossible. I say reach for the stars. I say be the best you, you can be, have faith and hope…to the child who is being abused…just have faith…to the abuser…I would say stop because you are destroying an innocent life…as I age…I realize that life and living is real and that you have to share but most importantly one’s experiences, especially if someone can benefit from them.
As a child I felt ashamed, as an adult I would speak about the abuse in a contextual sense but as I am evolving into the woman I want to become I have no qualms sharing because none of it was my fault. I did nothing wrong. It was something that was done to me. This issue of child abuse is a very serious one and as a region we need to address it because the success of our nations depends on our nurturing and rearing well-adjusted citizens. | | | | Reads : 389 | | | |
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