Linda Petrusi holds a BA in International Studies, a Minor in Black Studies, a certificate in mediation and will shortly complete her Masters in Conflict Resolution. Feedback to: linda@caribbeannetnews.com

Judith Herman, MD wrote a remarkable book entitled, “Trauma and Recovery.” She is considered an expert in the field. Her book examines women who have been abused and men who fought in wars and found the overall mental health of these two groups to be remarkable similar. Both groups suffered from nightmares, fear of their environment, inability to maintain healthy relationships, high incidences of alcoholism, inability to trust and being easily startled no name a few. She concludes that both groups suffer from Post Traumatic Stress. This means that men who fought in wars suffer from the same mental trauma as women who have been abused. According to Herman, the longer the person goes without help, the more likely they will suffer from the trauma for the rest of their lives. Therefore, immediate intervention is necessary.

In addition, men who suffered from abuse or witnessed their fathers abusing their mothers as children are more likely to carry on this “tradition” into their adult life holding firm to their belief that women are theirs to do with as they please. Through marriage, the man “owns” his wife and therefore believes he can do whatever he wishes with her; up to and including rape.

At the root of domestic violence is power and control. If a man believes he is losing this power, than the woman will most likely suffer from broken bones, knife wounds, as well as the emotional abuse of humiliation and embarrassment. Indeed the most dangerous time for a woman is when she attempts to leave her abusive environment. The man clearly perceives this as a total loss of power and control and oftentimes ends up murdering her. If not, then stalking the woman becomes an obsession with men who fantasize over a possible reconciliation. This too can lead to the eventual murder of a woman.

Let’s face it. The police are useless when it comes to issues of abuse. They either do not or will not care and see domestic abuse as a “family matter”. In addition, protective or restraining orders are only as good as the paper they are written on. The man has already broken the law by virtue or repeated assaults on his wife. To think a piece of paper will make him stop is extremely naïve by the courts. Furthermore, police officials tend to believe that a woman who is in an abusive relationship should just leave. If it only were that simple.

Men who are against abuse become an important ally. I am talking about men who honestly believe domestic violence is morally wrong and are willing to stand side by side with women on this issue. The key is to seek out men who are morally brave and will stand up and say, “This must stop!” It is not good for the family, community or state, to allow violence against women to go unpunished. I am not suggesting that women should run to men for help. What I am suggesting is that the needs of a woman are not necessarily that different from a man. I think it is accurate for me to say that most if not all of us want to have home be a place where we feel safe, secure, loved and wanted. If that is true, than domestic violence degrades the very spirit and essence of home and mocks the spirit of peace. Women and men must come together on this issue and begin the necessary steps to pressure politicians, judges and others to enforce the laws of the land. No one is safe unless all of our citizens are safe and equal under the law.