The New Year allows us to stop, pause and reflect on our lives. Where are we going? How are we going to get there? What happens when our lives become so consumed by other tasks, that we ignore the people around us? How many of us have thought to ourselves: “Is this as good as it gets?”
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| Linda Petrusi holds a BA in International Studies, a Minor in Black Studies, a certificate in mediation and will shortly complete her Masters in Conflict Resolution. Feedback to: linda@caribbeannetnews.com |
We all have endured painful relationships or situations where the only solution is to simply walk away. Or we may decide to fight, yell and even physically or emotionally abuse one another within the boundaries of our home. How many of you have said, “I will never talk to this person again.” Or maybe something like: “It’s no use. I’ve tried and tried and nothing seems to work.”
These types of questions leave us with very few options to resolve conflict. Peace is far easier to achieve within our homes than most of us believe. We all have been conditioned to accept conflict as a part of our lives. The problem with this is that while we accept conflict, rarely do we know how to effectively deal with it in a manner that encourages resolution and a better understanding of each other’s underlying needs and beliefs.
When we make the commitment to peace within our homes, we are taking the first steps necessary to create peace within our communities and neighborhoods. One person does make a difference and now is the time for each of us to look deep within our souls and decide once and for all, that we will choose peace.
I’m reminded of the story about the orange and the two sisters fighting over it. Perhaps some of you have heard this story.
A father comes home from work one day to screaming and fighting. His two daughters were arguing over one orange that both of them wanted. The father is tired from working all day long and the last thing he wants to hear is the screaming and shouting of his daughters. He walks into the kitchen and yells, “What are you two fighting about?” Both sisters turn to their father and say, “There is only one orange and we both want it.” “Oh,” says the father. “I understand.” He then gets a knife and cuts the orange into two equal halves. “There,” he proclaimed. “The problem is solved.” Thinking that this has resolved the conflict, he turns to walk away only to hear both his daughters crying in anger. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “You don’t understand,” responds one of the daughters. “I need all of the orange because I want to drink the juice.” “And I need the orange because I am baking a cake and need the peel of the orange to flavor my cake,” says the other.
The moral to this story is that compromise needs to be used sparingly. This is because compromise requires both parties to give up something in order to get some- but not all- of what they want. Had the father simply asked the question, “What do you need the orange for,” would have allowed him to discover what the underlying needs of his daughters were for wanting the orange.
More often than not, we are taught that compromise is the best way to resolve a conflict. One step we all can take is to commit to asking the questions that reflect the underlying needs of the people we come into contact with. This then becomes one of the foundations for creating peace within our homes.